Sometimes bad news is hard to deal with. Even if you don't accept it, it's still there. Hanging over you like a dark cloud, waiting to be filled to capacity then bringing on the deluge.
Whether, it's a lost dog, a "C" when you know you deserved an "A" on that paper you submitted, or even a terminal illness, the news is not easy. Yes, some events carry a heavier burden than others, but by not sharing, others can't be there for help and support.
I bring this up because I recently friended someone on Facebook(known him for 20+ years) who thought the best way to share his unfortunate news was to open an account(with the prodding of his wife). She didn't prod him so he could spread the bad news, only to take his mind off of the devastating news.
He went in a different direction though and posted a few days later, that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I don't know if I would have the courage to do that, but he did and I'm proud of him for it.
He's taking the fight to the cancer, not letting it get to him. It's going to be a tough row to hoe, but he's not giving up the plow yet.
Sometimes you just have to "pull up anchor" and see where the current takes you. Not hide under the covers and hope the monster in the closet goes away. They seldom do.
Family and friends will be there, you just have to let them know you need them. I know in my past, I have learned that lesson, and am thankful every day of my family and friends. Sometimes all you have to do is reach out, and there will be someone there to brace your fall, and help you get back on your feet.
It is never easy to admit you need help, I know I don't like to be the one needing help, I prefer to be the one for support, but that's fodder for another day.
So, be open and honest with yourself and others, and you will find the help you need. It may just be a pat on the back, a word of encouragement, or just a hug, but each of those will warm your heart and ease your pain. And maybe then realize that "monster" in the closet is just a dust bunny in the overall scheme of life!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
No worries...
Life is stressful, there's never enough time in the day to get everything done that needs to be taken care of. On top of all that, there are those moments that happened earlier in the day that you have to deal with.
You know the ones, that report that the boss wants at 8am tomorrow, the revised carpool schedule(from a text message) which means you should have been at the school 7 minutes ago(oops), or that delivery package you promised to drop off by 5 and it's 4:57 and you are still 14 minutes away.
Some things we have control over, "yea, I could have stayed and finished the report, I could have taken state street and been there on time, or found another drop box for the package. That would have resolved a lot of stress. "
Stress happens every day, it may not be from the boss or a text, it may come from an off the cuff comment, or from another authoritative figure that you must comply with. Stress is bad, it causes worry, and these issues must be resolved.
But there are some situations that we incur, and, no matter what we try, we can not change the outcome. My fault, your fault, his fault. it is. what it is! We can do nothing about it.
Things like the landlord leaving a note that says "I need to see you:" or your significant other saying "we need to talk" Granted the prior may be minor compared to the post, but woe some none the less.
Throughout the day, we dwell on these prior moments. The bottom line is, no matter how much we worry, the outcome will happen. We cannot control that. We stress out, sweat, fret and curse at the parking attendant because we are impending doom.
These things cannot be amended, or avoided. Yet they consume our day and distract us from our everyday activities! Things like reports, carpools or deliveries.
You can not change these events, no matter how you try, yet you worry and let yourself become distracted for whats' going to happen in your mind. Not really knowing for sure what is going to take place.
When all is said and done, and your landlord tells you trash day is now Thursday, not Wednesday, and your girlfriend tells you her college roommate is coming to town and she will be staying in the spare bedroom for 2 days, you realize you worried for nothing.
There are some things we know about and can change, and others we don't know about and can't. There is no reason to stress about whatever we can't change, whatever happens, happens.
Call it fate, karma, or kismet. It is, what it is. No need to worry about it, if you can't change it, there is no need to let it stress you out!
Until next time...
You know the ones, that report that the boss wants at 8am tomorrow, the revised carpool schedule(from a text message) which means you should have been at the school 7 minutes ago(oops), or that delivery package you promised to drop off by 5 and it's 4:57 and you are still 14 minutes away.
Some things we have control over, "yea, I could have stayed and finished the report, I could have taken state street and been there on time, or found another drop box for the package. That would have resolved a lot of stress. "
Stress happens every day, it may not be from the boss or a text, it may come from an off the cuff comment, or from another authoritative figure that you must comply with. Stress is bad, it causes worry, and these issues must be resolved.
But there are some situations that we incur, and, no matter what we try, we can not change the outcome. My fault, your fault, his fault. it is. what it is! We can do nothing about it.
Things like the landlord leaving a note that says "I need to see you:" or your significant other saying "we need to talk" Granted the prior may be minor compared to the post, but woe some none the less.
Throughout the day, we dwell on these prior moments. The bottom line is, no matter how much we worry, the outcome will happen. We cannot control that. We stress out, sweat, fret and curse at the parking attendant because we are impending doom.
These things cannot be amended, or avoided. Yet they consume our day and distract us from our everyday activities! Things like reports, carpools or deliveries.
You can not change these events, no matter how you try, yet you worry and let yourself become distracted for whats' going to happen in your mind. Not really knowing for sure what is going to take place.
When all is said and done, and your landlord tells you trash day is now Thursday, not Wednesday, and your girlfriend tells you her college roommate is coming to town and she will be staying in the spare bedroom for 2 days, you realize you worried for nothing.
There are some things we know about and can change, and others we don't know about and can't. There is no reason to stress about whatever we can't change, whatever happens, happens.
Call it fate, karma, or kismet. It is, what it is. No need to worry about it, if you can't change it, there is no need to let it stress you out!
Until next time...
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The enemy of my enemy is...
We all go through the motions of daily life. Some things we like, some we actually enjoy, and some we dread.
Some we abhor so much, we say to ourselves, or even sometimes out loud "I hate when that happens" or "I hate when they do that." Do we really know the definition of the word hate? Most of us "no" so here it is:
Related forms
Some we abhor so much, we say to ourselves, or even sometimes out loud "I hate when that happens" or "I hate when they do that." Do we really know the definition of the word hate? Most of us "no" so here it is:
hate/[heyt] verb, hat·ed, hat·ing, noun
verb (used with object)
Before 900; Middle English hat ( i ) en, Old English hatian (v.); cognate with Dutch haten, Old Norse hata, Gothic hatan, German hassen
Related forms
hat·er, noun
self-hate, noun
un·hat·ed, adjective
un·hat·ing, adjective
un·hat·ing·ly, adverb
Synonyms
1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. Abhor expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. Detest implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. Abominate expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.
1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. Abhor expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. Detest implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. Abominate expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.
Yes, a bit much to digest this holiday weekend, but we often use this word too freely, and not really knowing what it means and how it affects others and ourselves.
I don't hate indviduals or groups, I hate moments in times. I hated the day I didn't get the lead in
my junior high play(looking back, it's all good) or the day I lost my first real job (their loss, not mine.)
There are other times that weigh heavier on my heart, most recently, the day Candy's mom called me tell me she died. My heart was black that day. Or, it was time I found myself in a hospital waiting room with my brother. The doctor called us into an eight by eight room, to tell us our father had minutes left to live and the nurse would come get us to say goodbye. When that doctor left, that room shrunk to a stiffening four by four cubicle, and I didn't know what to do next! I still think about that moment to this day.
Two years later, when my mother passed, at least she and I talked, right before she died. The words aren't important here, but the words we shared, I carry with me every always.
Yes, these moments hurt, and yes, hate was in my heart, but it faded, and I realized, that darkness in my heart didn't help me at all!
These times have changed my life for the better, instead of being soured or turned bitter, I have chosen to try to embrace compassion, compassion for those who are going through what I have, or compassion for those who don't accept the hand that God has dealt them.
I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder. I don't wish that moment when that doctor told me about my dad on my worst enemy, no one needs to go through that grief in their life. Granted, it does every day for people I don't know, but it saddens me none the less. I, myself, try to do the best I can for my family, friends, and society and will help them if they are ever in that situation again.
I have learned to care for others, as opposed to be angry and hate.
Hate is not the answer, but is a self-help guide to make us love and care more.
Hate less, and love more, this is what I have learned, and live with every day!
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