As time goes by...

Didn't really know what to say, or what words to put down on paper! Still don't!

I figured if I started typing, the music would guide me and the thoughts would flow.If I ramble, it's my fault not yours. It's so much easier to just write a status update.

I haven't lost my muse, I just haven't thought about it much.  Time has flown by too quickly. I'm sitting at my computer on Sunday morning, looking up the holiday of the day, wondering if anyone still cares, the next thing I know it's Wednesday afternoon, and I still I wonder.

I did run into a friend Monday and commented on a Facebook post that I had made. It made me feel good that he looks forward to my daily tidbits and ramblings. I guess it is the little things in life that mean the most. A smile from a friend, a joke from a co-worker that makes you laugh, or a song that brings back so many great memories!

I'm a little pensive about this weekend, speaking of time! It has been thirty years since high school, Saturday is the reunion. In a way, looking forward to it, in a way, dreading it. I hate talking about myself, and it will be five hours of just that! I do better with people I have never met! Go in, make a bad impression and exit gracefully! I'm guessing Saturday, this won't be the case.

So if i delete my Facebook account Sunday, and drop off the face of the earth,  you'll know it didn't go well.

I will say one good thing about Facebook though, Tuesday, I saw a buddy I had not seen since High School. We talked a bit,  catching up on life! I would have not recognized him if it were not fro social media.He can't make it Saturday, but we are getting together for a beer soon to catch up!

Sorry for the mindless banter, I said I didn't know where I was going with this and at least I didn't let you down on that point. Sometimes walking down an unknown path isn't a bad thing! You never know what you might find.

Then again, Maybe Saturday will give me more fodder for my next diatribe! We'll see what happens, hope I didn't disappoint this week, but when the words aren't there....

Until the weekend!

Blame it on the rain...

As the rain falls, gently from the gray sky, I think back to a time when the winds were harsher, and the rain was pelting my face like tiny ice needles. There were more drops traveling horizontally than vertical.  Granted, that was only an hour ago, but it was intense!

I don't know why I wait to do things at the last minute, like I have said before, I do my best work with a deadline looming!

I spent the weekend at work, playing, and ignoring domestic chores! I will not bore you with details, but my chore turned into a desperate need today as opposed to a 'want to do.' After a trudge down 'LaSalle Creek' and a great margarita, my task was complete! I guess I could have waited to do laundry, but it had to be done.

This rant kind of reminds me of other wants and needs.

As we go through life, we meet many people, some in passing, some who make an impact on our day, and others who make an impact for a lifetime.

I had such a person in my life until March of this year. We hadn't known each other long, about three years, but we had become very close. . The type of person you could call any time, day or night, and she would assure you everything would be okay, then check on you the next day to make sure. We hung out that Monday and made dinner plans for that fateful Tuesday night, but it didn't work out. I got a call that Tuesday afternoon that she had died suddenly in her sleep! At only forty-three, she was too young to go away, but obviously God saw otherwise. It is a sad memory, but I have the good times to remember. and they definitely outweigh the bad moments.

Granted, there are others in my life I care about, and I am trying to be more vigilant to let them know how I feel and that I am there for them, just as my friend was for me!

I will never again  say "we need to get together and catch up!" It has to be a want, then a self-commitment to make it happen. Life is too short to have regrets, and tomorrow may not always be here to take care of your 'needs' much less your 'wants.'

I am not perfect, and may slip into a self absorbing routine again, but I am going to make a conscious effort to not let that happen again.

And if my words have done nothing else, pick up the phone and tell a friend you haven't talked to in awhile, hello, ask how they are and do it because you want to, not need to!

Until next week...

No, really it's about me!

As I sit here, not knowing what to say, not knowing why I committed myself to to this, I think of what a stranger., turned friend reminded me. Be who you are, don't try to be someone else.

He wasn't talking about me and my actions when he made that statement, but it hit home none the less.

It reminded me of one of my core values. You can be there for causes, you can be there for your friends, you can be there for your family, but when it is all said and done, there is only one person you can count on to get you by. And that person is you!

As a society, we want, no, we need, interaction with others. A smile, while waiting in line a Starbucks, eye contact while passing on the street, or a good morning from a stranger in our office building. These small gestures remind us we are all still fighting for the same race, the human race!

You are not better than me because you drive a BMW, or wear a gold necklace that would make the Sultan of Brunei jealous. It just means somewhere down the path of life, you made better decisions than I did.  I have no right to be jealous, or bitter about those decisions.I just need to use that moment as a learning tool to know what to do differently in the future, if I have opportunity. And if I am not presented with opportunity, if I want that same success, I have to find it for myself. Not be bitter and wallow in my sorrow that "it's not fair, he has that and I don't"

I often say as a joke "No, really it's about me!" but in reality, in my world it is.

A parent will disagree, "no, my kids are first" or a newlywed "no my husband comes first". that is all well and good, but until you decide I have to be there for me before I can be there for them, you are just running in circles!

Yes it is pejorative, that we are there for the ones we care about, but the bottom line is, if we are not there for ourselves first, there is no true way we can be there for others!

Try to live in a world or 'WE' but remember 'ME' also!

A blank slate, an open mind...

As I sit here, wondering what to say, Europa is playing in the background! I don't know why I started this, or if anyone will read it, but what the hell!

Maybe I should I should just comment about my music play list! Yes it's on shuffle, but Under Pressure by David Bowie, came up next. I have never put myself under any pressure in my writing. I always called deadlines goals I should strive for. Others have had a different definition in the past, but I eventually delivered.

For me, it's about the feelings, more so than the words. Don't get me wrong, if you are going to read something, there better be words, but those words need to carry the emotion that was felt when the letters were put together.

That is how I try to live my life away from the keyboard. I wrote something once:

I once thought showing emotion was a sign of weakness,

I now realize the lack of emotion is the weakness.

I still build walls, try to "stay stoic" but I think I'm getting better at sharing feelings, offering comforting and helpful words, and on that rare occasion, a smile. 

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, if you know me, I hope you also know you can count on me in good times and bad. It's not about me it's about we! and in closing, something else I wrote for you to think about:

A true friend won't take your last jellybean,even if offered.

Until next time, remember, be safe, have fun and make lots of memories.