Where is the Easter Bunny?

Life moves fast.  One day we are happy-go-lucky, playing in the sand box, we turn around, and are trying to figure out where our next class is, missing elementary school where we stayed in one room.

What seems like two minutes later, we are wondering why we really need to learn trigonometry  and advanced physics, when "all I want to know is will she go out with me if I ask her?"

Then it's what school should I go to, if I go here, I can be an astronaut, or if I go there I can be a veterinarian.

Like, leaving the sand box for the swing set, or the monkey bars, those decisions are important. Whether you are six, sixteen, twenty-six, or beyond. You and you alone decide what path you take.

The decisions you choose will guide you, or haunt you fro the remainder of your life. These decisions should not be made in haste, but pondered long and hard.

While making these decisions though, one must consider their current situation. "Is this where I want to be five years from now?"  "Will I be happy with this path?" We all get caught up with what we think is best for all, we sometimes forget to ask, "what's best for "me?"

I often make a joke "If the Ken isn't happy, nobody's happy!"  I say it in jest, but it holds merit! I spent time in the busy corporate world, the gray walls were suffocating, now I work in a restaurant, happy as a clam and write on occasion. I try not to let the craziness of life bog me down, when it tries to, I remind myself of who I am and of the calm life I have chosen!

Life moves too fast. We all get busy dealing with day to day crisis, and forget about the smaller things in life. We forget about never land where Peter Pan never grew up. Or the North Pole, where the Easter Bunny relaxes with Santa after his crazy spring jaunt!

We are all busy in our day to day activities. We say "I have to get that report to my boss today" or "I have to finish that article today, my deadline is in two days."  Do we ever say, I need to take a moment for me? That's what we forget sometimes, we get so caught up in the current, we forget about what matters most.

Take time to spend a few minutes with a friend, twenty minutes to read to your child, or an hour to reflect on your life, and ponder if you are really where you want to be. Whether it's a few minutes or an hour or so, you will be grateful  in the long run.

There are too many moments in our lives that we think we are too busy worrying  about others to worry about ourselves.

Sometimes we need to just take a moment for ourselves and say, the world can wait a few minutes, I want to think about what the Easter Bunny does when he's not working!

Be safe, have fun, and make lots and lots of memories, the world can wait, you can't!

What if...

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
Paul Anka

And yes, I live with .regrets every day.

I hate the words
"what if?" 

Those are two words together that do nothing but instill regret, sadness or further questions about moving forward. with your life.

What if I took that job 10 years ago? I probably wouldn't be sitting here typing this, I would be working on the next fundraiser for the American Cancer Society! Or, what if I had told her how I really felt? Maybe, I would be married and in an unhappy relationship, or in the best place in the world. What if I really tried to sell my writings?

Well, the first two things never happened, and the third, though always hanging in the wings, hasn't happened yet either. My fault alone!

My entire list of "What if's" is my fault., too scared to take that leap, too scared to show emotion, too comfortable in my current surroundings to step outside of that comfort zone.

There are many things I have let myself not enjoy because those two words. Then again, there are people in my life and experiences I have encountered that would be nonexistent if I had chose that other path.

Walking down the path of life, sometimes we all eventually come to a fork in the road and we must make a decision. Then we make that choice. yet, in the back of our mind though, we wonder, what if I had gone left, instead of right?

These are queries we have to deal with and confront, if not today, in the future when that moment of life circles around for closure.

What if sucks, but you know what? I would not and will not exchange my life for what could have been. The way I look at it today is, if I chose differently, how many stories would I really have and how many friends would I lose?

I assure you I have an abundance of both. And right or wrong, I am on my right path.

I am happy with the path I have chosen, it has brought me many stories, and many people I care about. They have inspired my mantra on life! "Have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories." I don't regret my path I chose, because I would have missed out on the fun times of this life I am living!

As Paul Anka wrote for Frank Sinatra, Regrets, I've had a few I really do have too few to mention.

Until I figure something else to say, like I said, have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories

See you soon!

Make your own kind of music...

A fine song by Mama Cass Elliott, a great mantra to live life by!

I wrote something once..

 

They say dance to your own drummer.

I think My drummer plays the tambourine!

 

 

I have always been an independent thinker, never one to really follow the others to slaughter. I usually go my own way, not recruiting followers, but letting the herd make their own decision, "do I go to the blade, or do I follow my own path?"

 

I have never been a fan of mob rules, or group mentality. I guess that's what makes me, me! Yes, I can be influenced by the groups action, which I am involved with at that present time. Who can't,  we are only human, by the way. Needing acceptance and acknowledgment for our actions and will.

 

I am sorry, I have been on this rant for awhile now, and tonight is no different. My feeling is, if you can't accept me for who I am, and what I believe in, it's your loss. I bring a lot to the table for conversation and debate, but of you shut me down because you disagree, who is in the wrong? I showed up for open dialogue with an open mind, and you decided that my opening remark wasn't of your opine, you would lam bast my character. No, this is not an event that transpired tonight, but it has happened in the recent past. I generally take the high road and walk away, as tough as that may be at times.

 

There are many people we encounter that have to be right, they have to be the winner, whether it's a moral thing, a macho thing, or an ego thing, they have to be right.

 

My feeling is, I respect your opinion, may not agree with it, but respect you enough to listen. then my response is "here's mine, take it or leave it."

 

I, don't really care what people think of me and my opinion, I know who I am, and know what I have done and am capable of doing.

 

Yes, I don't want people hating me(who does?) but, I would never let it get that extreme.

 

The world would be a much better place if more people had the attitude of "I respect what you are saying, and hope you will listen you me with the same fervent that I gave you,.

 

There is no reason to adopt the attitude of the sheep going to the slaughter house,. "That's what the others are doing, I should join in." This will not end well for you, my fine woolly friend!

 

Make your own kind of music, sing your own kind of song!

Find out who your friends are

Let me state for the record, I love and appreciate my Family and friends, they have always been there whether I wanted them to be or not!

That said, we all need someone, that one person to pick us up when we a fallen. That person to make us laugh when we had a bad day. That one friend we can count on no matter what happens.

We all have a select few that we call family and friends to help us through the rough times. There's a running joke, a friend helps you move, a good friend helps you move bodies. I am not going that extreme, but we all need someone.

What does it take to be a friend, is the question ask myself tonight? Is it being there? Is it dropping what you are doing at a moments notice, because the phone rings and you are needed, and you were their first call? Is it just waiting in the wings hoping you don't have to go on stage, but are ready if need be!

Been there, done that, and found myself on the other side a time or two. I try not to be on the other side often, I am not one to want to rely on others for help or support.

I am from the school of emotions suck, and showing them helps no one. In a previous blog, I wrote about a meltdown, and was thankful there were people there to talk me off the ledge(not literally.) I am thankful for that, and always will be, but that was a moment of weakness that I don't dwell in often. Yes, I am human, I have feelings, I just know how to hide them.

If I am having the worst day of my life, and someone asks "How's your day?" my response is always "Fantastic" or "Great, yours?" There's nothing worse than asking someone about their day, and getting an honest answer. It's not that I don't care, it's just you don't need to be burdened with my feelings, you have enough on your plate.

I have a lot of close friends I can call, if I need to talk, or need help with something. I even have one or two I could call to move the proverbial body! Where I am going here, is from a theme I have written about a time of few.

That being said, I know of one person I can count on in life. That is me. The reason being is simple, how can I be there for someone else if I am not there for myself first? Yes, this is easy to say, since I have no children, or a wife for that matter! But If I were married, with children, I think my mindset would still be "You are number one, you have to be" because If I don't protect myself first, how can I be there to protect them?

I think I am rambling now, but next time you ask about my day, and I respond "great" it was in my mind, as far as you need to know!

Did you see that ghost?

On any given day, you can turn on cable television and find a show about the paranormal. XFinity on demand  has 76 different shows about ghost. That doesn't include the movie section.

Each show is filled with non-sense like "Wow, that vase moved, did you see that?" and my response would be(if I were a guest host)  "Did you see that 18 wheeler just drive by?"  Or "look at the monitor, there's something moving there", and I would say "Yea, a moth" There is always a logical and or scientific reason for events like this that happen.

I don't believe in ghosts. I believe in the present, and the future, what happened yesterday is gone. As much as I would like to go back in time and change things, I would in an instant. Yes, I am being selfish with that statement, I would not go back to kill Hitler, or Lee Harvey Oswald. Those are events that would reverberate through time and the Internet may not exist because of those acts.

I remember reading a story many years ago about a group of time travelers, where one person stepped off the path and inadvertently killed a fern. When they returned to present day, the world was in turmoil. I don't remember the story, probably something by Ray Bradbury.

On that note, ghosts are real. Not like Casper(he was cute) or Jacob Marley(and his three friends,) but the ghosts we create in our minds.

It's usually a song that takes me back to a happier time, or an old movie that "we" saw together. A moment when I had someone in my life to share my day with . Or maybe,  it's a catch phrase the someone uses that was a favorite line of an old lover.

The other day I was reading some of my older writings and the memories came flooding back, mostly good, but a few, where I wish I could go back, step off the path, and alter the outcome.

I have made many mistakes in the past, some I regret, some I am thankful for. I try to learn from each one and make myself a better person, sometimes it works, and sometimes I am haunted.

I will continue to watch the paranormal shows on cable for entertainment value but yes, I do believe in ghosts, but the ones I believe in are self induced.

Bigfoot, now that's another issue all on it's own.

Have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories. I only hope those memories don't come back to haunt you.

Until next time...

Sometimes words are more than words...

It's amazing what we say in passing, that can reverberate many years after they have faded. I had a moment like that recently

One day last week, I was sitting at my computer(not writing, which is what I should have been doing) when a chat box popped up. A friend who I hadn't talked to for awhile sent me an IM saying hello.

My first thought was to just say hey, be polite and quickly sign off. For some reason I decided to "join" the conversation. We talked for a few minutes, then this person said "It occurred to me today that you may not have a clue as to where you know me from." I knew this person from various social engagements, but that line intrigued me.

As I continued the correspondence, they told me of a few conversations we had once had when they were in a dark place in their life, and the path they were leading down was getting darker and scarier as the days went by.

To be completely honest, I recall moments of that time in my life, it was a long time ago,  but our recent conversation jogged my memory.

This person, told me that after our last conversation, so many years ago, 45 minutes after our conversation no less, they decided to make a change.

Today, this person is a few credits from getting a post-graduate degree, then going for their doctorate. I take no credit for this, I actually said as a joke "don't blame me for your path, you call my lawyer!!!" Their response was "You convinced me I could do it."

I guess where I'm going with this is, you can never know how influential your words can be until you have a moment with a friend and they actually tell you what you did.

Sometimes words are just words, sometimes words are just filler, but sometimes words are a call to action, and what you do with those words can change your life.

Issues Resolved...

Sitting here not knowing what to say or where I am going with this. Sometimes my best work starts that way, no promises this time though!

It's early July, and I can say life is good. There have been a few self induced speed bumps over the last month or so, but I quickly resolved those issues and the seas are calm again(for the time being.)

I have done more than my share of stupid acts over the last few months. On the upside of that, I have reflected what I did, chastised myself for being foolish and made amends for those thoughtless and selfish acts. And NO, I will not go into details, there are too many people out there that have more than enough information to try and blackmail me.

I guess what I am trying to say is, it's okay to make mistakes, as long as you own up to the consequences and make the situation right again. Yes, feelings got hurt, I take full responsibility for that, but I have mended those fences, and all are moving on!

I have spent the last two months adjusting to a new position at work(which I love) adjusting to a new place to live(which I also love) and spending a little bit if time in Key West, FL The latter was too brief, but I am already planning for my next adventure.

We all change daily, sometimes we don't like what we become, but we have the power to change that. A dear friend came up to me recently and apologized for talking about me behind my back. I told her it was okay, I never heard what she said, and I didn't care. Not that I was worried about the bad press, or what people thought of me,  but for the one opinion I am most concerned with, and the one opinion that I care about which is my own!

Yes that sounds very egotistical, and conceited, but it's very true. Yes I care what people say about me, but the bottom line and end of story is I know the whole truth, and they may not. And I am the only one that can change my attitude, no matter how much others may try.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I know I have faults, like we all do, and I try every day to make them less significant to all parties involved,

Life is an adventure, not a chore, that's how I live it! Mistakes will be made, but more importantly, cherished memories will be made as well.

Until next time...

Live like you were dying...

Life is unpredictable, things are flowing smoothly, all is calm in the world, the Red Sox are winning,  then, the great creator throws us a curve ball and we find ourselves like a barnstormer with a bad tailwind. No idea of which way is up, or where to go from here, or, do I even want to want to try. Suddenly in a dark corner, and hoping no one notices I am there.

I found myself in that corner last week.

Hanging out with friends, a great party weekend. Good friends, good food, and the potential for the making of great memories. I chose to go to a sad place, as opposed to enjoying the moment and living for the day.

I had always considered myself as "the strong one" or "the rock." I seldom share emotions and never show them. This night was different though. Sitting away from my friends, listening to songs that reminded me of what I could have had(if I had opened up), should have had(if I wasn't so pig-headed), and things that can never be because it was too late. The rock crumbled a bit, the walls were vulnerable. The emotion was like a raw nerve, one wrong move, and the pain too intense to bear.

Luckily I had people who cared to help me through the moment.

I  think what happened was I have recently went through a life change myself. No it wasn't life  threatening, but drastic, none the less, and hadn't dealt with the emotions(hate those things.)

I had resided at the same address for over eleven years. Met many friends, made lot's of memories, and even fell in love. Life was good, the planets were all aligned. Then my landlady of 90 years passed away. The night of her funeral, her daughter, assured me and my upstairs neighbor, nothing to worry about. Then three months down the road, the storyline makes a dramatic twist.

I was shocked,  I was told “no worries, nothing will change.”  All of a sudden, there’s reality staring me in the face, in the form of a letter, stating I had thirty days to find a new place to live.

I sat there, re-reading the letter, thinking that my land-lady was spinning in her grave! She loved me and the tenant upstairs.  We were “her boys” and in a sense, she was a family member to us as well. Every holiday, we would get pie or cookies, and every time we did something wrong, she would call us into the main house and talk about it. When this happened, we left feeling like we let a family member down, not a business associate.

I was lost, not sure what I was going to do, but found the courage to make life better out of what I thought was a bad situation.

I have realized in the last few weeks, it was a blessing, not a curse that I had to uproot my life and relocate to another fertile field.

I share this, about change and emotion,  because another friend posted a video on her facebook page. It was about a 17 year old boy who lost his fight to cancer but had the best attitude towards life.

Granted, my change was not as life altering as cancer, and I am not trying to compare my situation to his, but after my selfish breakdown last week, my problems are minuscule, compared to what others have to endure in life.

We all have to make changes, some good, some bad, but we find a way to make it work. Life is to fragile and short to do different. In a blink of an eye, it may be gone.

In a nutshell, live life to it's fullest, because tomorrow may never arrive. Those weren't his words, but that's what I summarized from the short video. Life can be short, but what you do with the moments is what counts. So, have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories!

I'm sorry, did you say something?

We all say we are good at it, we all pretend to be, we want it from others, why is it,  no one listens anymore?

Yes, each of us at some point in time was too pre-occupied with something else, and said those fateful words "Yes, I heard you" to only have that moment come back and bite us right on the ass!

My favorite writer and one of my heroes said it best:

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.

 

 E. Hemingway

 

 

I admit, there are times I haven't listened. We all have. who as a child standing by mommy in the kitchen and reaching to touch the boiling pot on the stove top, and hearing her say "Don't touch that, you will get hurt" then, the moment she averts her eyes, you touch anyway realizing she was right! Lesson learned (hopefully.)

 

Or the time you listened to your heart and not you head and got your heart broken, because no matter how good you felt at the time your heart will break and your head will hurt!

 

I do consider myself a good listener. I am sincere when I say "if you ever need to talk, I will be there for you"

 

I consider myself a better observer though. I may look like I'm disinterested, or uncaring, but usually I am taking in the words, along with my surroundings. One of my best traits is looking ambiguous to all that's going on in a room and knowing all the players and being able to predict their next move with a 94.7%  accuracy! I wish I were that good in my personal life!

 

That's what makes me human though. I'm there for others, but not always there to listen to myself. Something I will work on, as the year unfolds.

 

That's another subject, for another day though.

 

So, next time, when someone says to you "Got a a minute?"  stop what you are doing and give them that minute, that five minutes, or two hours. They may just need someone to care for them for that moment in time, to assure themselves that there are still people who care and are willing to listen! It can make a difference.

 

Until next time...

Everybody hurts

Yes, it's been awhile,  little over a month and a half! I guess I was waiting for the right thought to hit me. I guess lightning struck!

Just relaxing, listening to music, trying to get Monday night over with, and the songs got me thinking.

There are some songs we hate because they bring up sad memories of what could have been(Simple Minds -Don't You Forget About Me) or songs that bring up sad memories of what should have been(Phil Collins -One More Night) or songs that never should have ever been recorded(Bobby McFerrin – Don't Worry Be Happy) Sorry Bobby McFerrin, but every time I hear that song, I only hear fingernails on a chalkboard!

There are other songs that bring up fun times (Bob Marley - Three Little Birds) or (Israel Kamakawiwo'- - Somewhere Over The Rainbow)! Songs like that bring up memories of good times gone by, but not forgotten, and assuredly bound to be repeated!

Others take you to a specific moment, feeling, and emotion(Santana - Europa). Europa always haunts me for 2 reasons, the first, I remember when I first heard it and fell in love with it, and the second, a musician friend of mine knows that story as well, and starts playing it when he spots me in the crowd of the local hot spot he's playing! It brings back many great memories, hanging out with friends, a first kiss on a second date, a slow dance that carried over through the next two songs!

The music we listen to is the soundtrack of our life. Sometimes we are in a great mood and want to hear upbeat music, other times we are melancholy, and want to be taken back to a moment past. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as we don't dwell on what could have been or for that matter, what should have been! Sometimes we are in a dark place and keep listening to the same song over and over(been there, done that).  It doesn't help, it just makes you angry, and that's no way to live life!

My soundtrack of life is filled with most of the above songs I listed(Sorry, Bobby) and many others. Songs I can hear, and like the words I have written, know how I felt the first time I heard them!

Memories, good and bad,  people still in my life, people that have been lost on the path of life, the songs bring them closer to that moment frozen in time, when we were together and a happy tomorrow!

The R.E.M. song Everybody hurts just hit rotation on the Media player!

It can be a sad song,  and yes it's about suicide(REM confirmed that) but it can also be uplifting. When there is no hope left, there's one reason to keep going, whether it's to piss someone off, make a change in society, of just make a change in some one's life you care about! That's reason enough to not give up!

Let the music play!