Sometimes bad news is hard to deal with. Even if you don't accept it, it's still there. Hanging over you like a dark cloud, waiting to be filled to capacity then bringing on the deluge.
Whether, it's a lost dog, a "C" when you know you deserved an "A" on that paper you submitted, or even a terminal illness, the news is not easy. Yes, some events carry a heavier burden than others, but by not sharing, others can't be there for help and support.
I bring this up because I recently friended someone on Facebook(known him for 20+ years) who thought the best way to share his unfortunate news was to open an account(with the prodding of his wife). She didn't prod him so he could spread the bad news, only to take his mind off of the devastating news.
He went in a different direction though and posted a few days later, that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I don't know if I would have the courage to do that, but he did and I'm proud of him for it.
He's taking the fight to the cancer, not letting it get to him. It's going to be a tough row to hoe, but he's not giving up the plow yet.
Sometimes you just have to "pull up anchor" and see where the current takes you. Not hide under the covers and hope the monster in the closet goes away. They seldom do.
Family and friends will be there, you just have to let them know you need them. I know in my past, I have learned that lesson, and am thankful every day of my family and friends. Sometimes all you have to do is reach out, and there will be someone there to brace your fall, and help you get back on your feet.
It is never easy to admit you need help, I know I don't like to be the one needing help, I prefer to be the one for support, but that's fodder for another day.
So, be open and honest with yourself and others, and you will find the help you need. It may just be a pat on the back, a word of encouragement, or just a hug, but each of those will warm your heart and ease your pain. And maybe then realize that "monster" in the closet is just a dust bunny in the overall scheme of life!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
No worries...
Life is stressful, there's never enough time in the day to get everything done that needs to be taken care of. On top of all that, there are those moments that happened earlier in the day that you have to deal with.
You know the ones, that report that the boss wants at 8am tomorrow, the revised carpool schedule(from a text message) which means you should have been at the school 7 minutes ago(oops), or that delivery package you promised to drop off by 5 and it's 4:57 and you are still 14 minutes away.
Some things we have control over, "yea, I could have stayed and finished the report, I could have taken state street and been there on time, or found another drop box for the package. That would have resolved a lot of stress. "
Stress happens every day, it may not be from the boss or a text, it may come from an off the cuff comment, or from another authoritative figure that you must comply with. Stress is bad, it causes worry, and these issues must be resolved.
But there are some situations that we incur, and, no matter what we try, we can not change the outcome. My fault, your fault, his fault. it is. what it is! We can do nothing about it.
Things like the landlord leaving a note that says "I need to see you:" or your significant other saying "we need to talk" Granted the prior may be minor compared to the post, but woe some none the less.
Throughout the day, we dwell on these prior moments. The bottom line is, no matter how much we worry, the outcome will happen. We cannot control that. We stress out, sweat, fret and curse at the parking attendant because we are impending doom.
These things cannot be amended, or avoided. Yet they consume our day and distract us from our everyday activities! Things like reports, carpools or deliveries.
You can not change these events, no matter how you try, yet you worry and let yourself become distracted for whats' going to happen in your mind. Not really knowing for sure what is going to take place.
When all is said and done, and your landlord tells you trash day is now Thursday, not Wednesday, and your girlfriend tells you her college roommate is coming to town and she will be staying in the spare bedroom for 2 days, you realize you worried for nothing.
There are some things we know about and can change, and others we don't know about and can't. There is no reason to stress about whatever we can't change, whatever happens, happens.
Call it fate, karma, or kismet. It is, what it is. No need to worry about it, if you can't change it, there is no need to let it stress you out!
Until next time...
You know the ones, that report that the boss wants at 8am tomorrow, the revised carpool schedule(from a text message) which means you should have been at the school 7 minutes ago(oops), or that delivery package you promised to drop off by 5 and it's 4:57 and you are still 14 minutes away.
Some things we have control over, "yea, I could have stayed and finished the report, I could have taken state street and been there on time, or found another drop box for the package. That would have resolved a lot of stress. "
Stress happens every day, it may not be from the boss or a text, it may come from an off the cuff comment, or from another authoritative figure that you must comply with. Stress is bad, it causes worry, and these issues must be resolved.
But there are some situations that we incur, and, no matter what we try, we can not change the outcome. My fault, your fault, his fault. it is. what it is! We can do nothing about it.
Things like the landlord leaving a note that says "I need to see you:" or your significant other saying "we need to talk" Granted the prior may be minor compared to the post, but woe some none the less.
Throughout the day, we dwell on these prior moments. The bottom line is, no matter how much we worry, the outcome will happen. We cannot control that. We stress out, sweat, fret and curse at the parking attendant because we are impending doom.
These things cannot be amended, or avoided. Yet they consume our day and distract us from our everyday activities! Things like reports, carpools or deliveries.
You can not change these events, no matter how you try, yet you worry and let yourself become distracted for whats' going to happen in your mind. Not really knowing for sure what is going to take place.
When all is said and done, and your landlord tells you trash day is now Thursday, not Wednesday, and your girlfriend tells you her college roommate is coming to town and she will be staying in the spare bedroom for 2 days, you realize you worried for nothing.
There are some things we know about and can change, and others we don't know about and can't. There is no reason to stress about whatever we can't change, whatever happens, happens.
Call it fate, karma, or kismet. It is, what it is. No need to worry about it, if you can't change it, there is no need to let it stress you out!
Until next time...
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The enemy of my enemy is...
We all go through the motions of daily life. Some things we like, some we actually enjoy, and some we dread.
Some we abhor so much, we say to ourselves, or even sometimes out loud "I hate when that happens" or "I hate when they do that." Do we really know the definition of the word hate? Most of us "no" so here it is:
Related forms
Some we abhor so much, we say to ourselves, or even sometimes out loud "I hate when that happens" or "I hate when they do that." Do we really know the definition of the word hate? Most of us "no" so here it is:
hate/[heyt] verb, hat·ed, hat·ing, noun
verb (used with object)
Before 900; Middle English hat ( i ) en, Old English hatian (v.); cognate with Dutch haten, Old Norse hata, Gothic hatan, German hassen
Related forms
hat·er, noun
self-hate, noun
un·hat·ed, adjective
un·hat·ing, adjective
un·hat·ing·ly, adverb
Synonyms
1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. Abhor expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. Detest implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. Abominate expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.
1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. Abhor expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. Detest implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. Abominate expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.
Yes, a bit much to digest this holiday weekend, but we often use this word too freely, and not really knowing what it means and how it affects others and ourselves.
I don't hate indviduals or groups, I hate moments in times. I hated the day I didn't get the lead in
my junior high play(looking back, it's all good) or the day I lost my first real job (their loss, not mine.)
There are other times that weigh heavier on my heart, most recently, the day Candy's mom called me tell me she died. My heart was black that day. Or, it was time I found myself in a hospital waiting room with my brother. The doctor called us into an eight by eight room, to tell us our father had minutes left to live and the nurse would come get us to say goodbye. When that doctor left, that room shrunk to a stiffening four by four cubicle, and I didn't know what to do next! I still think about that moment to this day.
Two years later, when my mother passed, at least she and I talked, right before she died. The words aren't important here, but the words we shared, I carry with me every always.
Yes, these moments hurt, and yes, hate was in my heart, but it faded, and I realized, that darkness in my heart didn't help me at all!
These times have changed my life for the better, instead of being soured or turned bitter, I have chosen to try to embrace compassion, compassion for those who are going through what I have, or compassion for those who don't accept the hand that God has dealt them.
I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder. I don't wish that moment when that doctor told me about my dad on my worst enemy, no one needs to go through that grief in their life. Granted, it does every day for people I don't know, but it saddens me none the less. I, myself, try to do the best I can for my family, friends, and society and will help them if they are ever in that situation again.
I have learned to care for others, as opposed to be angry and hate.
Hate is not the answer, but is a self-help guide to make us love and care more.
Hate less, and love more, this is what I have learned, and live with every day!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
As time goes by...
Didn't really know what to say, or what words to put down on paper! Still don't!
I figured if I started typing, the music would guide me and the thoughts would flow.If I ramble, it's my fault not yours. It's so much easier to just write a status update.
I haven't lost my muse, I just haven't thought about it much. Time has flown by too quickly. I'm sitting at my computer on Sunday morning, looking up the holiday of the day, wondering if anyone still cares, the next thing I know it's Wednesday afternoon, and I still I wonder.
I did run into a friend Monday and commented on a Facebook post that I had made. It made me feel good that he looks forward to my daily tidbits and ramblings. I guess it is the little things in life that mean the most. A smile from a friend, a joke from a co-worker that makes you laugh, or a song that brings back so many great memories!
I'm a little pensive about this weekend, speaking of time! It has been thirty years since high school, Saturday is the reunion. In a way, looking forward to it, in a way, dreading it. I hate talking about myself, and it will be five hours of just that! I do better with people I have never met! Go in, make a bad impression and exit gracefully! I'm guessing Saturday, this won't be the case.
So if i delete my Facebook account Sunday, and drop off the face of the earth, you'll know it didn't go well.
I will say one good thing about Facebook though, Tuesday, I saw a buddy I had not seen since High School. We talked a bit, catching up on life! I would have not recognized him if it were not fro social media.He can't make it Saturday, but we are getting together for a beer soon to catch up!
Sorry for the mindless banter, I said I didn't know where I was going with this and at least I didn't let you down on that point. Sometimes walking down an unknown path isn't a bad thing! You never know what you might find.
Then again, Maybe Saturday will give me more fodder for my next diatribe! We'll see what happens, hope I didn't disappoint this week, but when the words aren't there....
Until the weekend!
I figured if I started typing, the music would guide me and the thoughts would flow.If I ramble, it's my fault not yours. It's so much easier to just write a status update.
I haven't lost my muse, I just haven't thought about it much. Time has flown by too quickly. I'm sitting at my computer on Sunday morning, looking up the holiday of the day, wondering if anyone still cares, the next thing I know it's Wednesday afternoon, and I still I wonder.
I did run into a friend Monday and commented on a Facebook post that I had made. It made me feel good that he looks forward to my daily tidbits and ramblings. I guess it is the little things in life that mean the most. A smile from a friend, a joke from a co-worker that makes you laugh, or a song that brings back so many great memories!
I'm a little pensive about this weekend, speaking of time! It has been thirty years since high school, Saturday is the reunion. In a way, looking forward to it, in a way, dreading it. I hate talking about myself, and it will be five hours of just that! I do better with people I have never met! Go in, make a bad impression and exit gracefully! I'm guessing Saturday, this won't be the case.
So if i delete my Facebook account Sunday, and drop off the face of the earth, you'll know it didn't go well.
I will say one good thing about Facebook though, Tuesday, I saw a buddy I had not seen since High School. We talked a bit, catching up on life! I would have not recognized him if it were not fro social media.He can't make it Saturday, but we are getting together for a beer soon to catch up!
Sorry for the mindless banter, I said I didn't know where I was going with this and at least I didn't let you down on that point. Sometimes walking down an unknown path isn't a bad thing! You never know what you might find.
Then again, Maybe Saturday will give me more fodder for my next diatribe! We'll see what happens, hope I didn't disappoint this week, but when the words aren't there....
Until the weekend!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Blame it on the rain...
As the rain falls, gently from the gray sky, I think back to a time when the winds were harsher, and the rain was pelting my face like tiny ice needles. There were more drops traveling horizontally than vertical. Granted, that was only an hour ago, but it was intense!
I don't know why I wait to do things at the last minute, like I have said before, I do my best work with a deadline looming!
I spent the weekend at work, playing, and ignoring domestic chores! I will not bore you with details, but my chore turned into a desperate need today as opposed to a 'want to do.' After a trudge down 'LaSalle Creek' and a great margarita, my task was complete! I guess I could have waited to do laundry, but it had to be done.
This rant kind of reminds me of other wants and needs.
As we go through life, we meet many people, some in passing, some who make an impact on our day, and others who make an impact for a lifetime.
I had such a person in my life until March of this year. We hadn't known each other long, about three years, but we had become very close. . The type of person you could call any time, day or night, and she would assure you everything would be okay, then check on you the next day to make sure. We hung out that Monday and made dinner plans for that fateful Tuesday night, but it didn't work out. I got a call that Tuesday afternoon that she had died suddenly in her sleep! At only forty-three, she was too young to go away, but obviously God saw otherwise. It is a sad memory, but I have the good times to remember. and they definitely outweigh the bad moments.
Granted, there are others in my life I care about, and I am trying to be more vigilant to let them know how I feel and that I am there for them, just as my friend was for me!
I will never again say "we need to get together and catch up!" It has to be a want, then a self-commitment to make it happen. Life is too short to have regrets, and tomorrow may not always be here to take care of your 'needs' much less your 'wants.'
I am not perfect, and may slip into a self absorbing routine again, but I am going to make a conscious effort to not let that happen again.
And if my words have done nothing else, pick up the phone and tell a friend you haven't talked to in awhile, hello, ask how they are and do it because you want to, not need to!
Until next week...
I don't know why I wait to do things at the last minute, like I have said before, I do my best work with a deadline looming!
I spent the weekend at work, playing, and ignoring domestic chores! I will not bore you with details, but my chore turned into a desperate need today as opposed to a 'want to do.' After a trudge down 'LaSalle Creek' and a great margarita, my task was complete! I guess I could have waited to do laundry, but it had to be done.
This rant kind of reminds me of other wants and needs.
As we go through life, we meet many people, some in passing, some who make an impact on our day, and others who make an impact for a lifetime.
I had such a person in my life until March of this year. We hadn't known each other long, about three years, but we had become very close. . The type of person you could call any time, day or night, and she would assure you everything would be okay, then check on you the next day to make sure. We hung out that Monday and made dinner plans for that fateful Tuesday night, but it didn't work out. I got a call that Tuesday afternoon that she had died suddenly in her sleep! At only forty-three, she was too young to go away, but obviously God saw otherwise. It is a sad memory, but I have the good times to remember. and they definitely outweigh the bad moments.
Granted, there are others in my life I care about, and I am trying to be more vigilant to let them know how I feel and that I am there for them, just as my friend was for me!
I will never again say "we need to get together and catch up!" It has to be a want, then a self-commitment to make it happen. Life is too short to have regrets, and tomorrow may not always be here to take care of your 'needs' much less your 'wants.'
I am not perfect, and may slip into a self absorbing routine again, but I am going to make a conscious effort to not let that happen again.
And if my words have done nothing else, pick up the phone and tell a friend you haven't talked to in awhile, hello, ask how they are and do it because you want to, not need to!
Until next week...
Saturday, August 11, 2012
No, really it's about me!
As I sit here, not knowing what to say, not knowing why I committed myself to to this, I think of what a stranger., turned friend reminded me. Be who you are, don't try to be someone else.
He wasn't talking about me and my actions when he made that statement, but it hit home none the less.
It reminded me of one of my core values. You can be there for causes, you can be there for your friends, you can be there for your family, but when it is all said and done, there is only one person you can count on to get you by. And that person is you!
As a society, we want, no, we need, interaction with others. A smile, while waiting in line a Starbucks, eye contact while passing on the street, or a good morning from a stranger in our office building. These small gestures remind us we are all still fighting for the same race, the human race!
You are not better than me because you drive a BMW, or wear a gold necklace that would make the Sultan of Brunei jealous. It just means somewhere down the path of life, you made better decisions than I did. I have no right to be jealous, or bitter about those decisions.I just need to use that moment as a learning tool to know what to do differently in the future, if I have opportunity. And if I am not presented with opportunity, if I want that same success, I have to find it for myself. Not be bitter and wallow in my sorrow that "it's not fair, he has that and I don't"
I often say as a joke "No, really it's about me!" but in reality, in my world it is.
A parent will disagree, "no, my kids are first" or a newlywed "no my husband comes first". that is all well and good, but until you decide I have to be there for me before I can be there for them, you are just running in circles!
Yes it is pejorative, that we are there for the ones we care about, but the bottom line is, if we are not there for ourselves first, there is no true way we can be there for others!
Try to live in a world or 'WE' but remember 'ME' also!
He wasn't talking about me and my actions when he made that statement, but it hit home none the less.
It reminded me of one of my core values. You can be there for causes, you can be there for your friends, you can be there for your family, but when it is all said and done, there is only one person you can count on to get you by. And that person is you!
As a society, we want, no, we need, interaction with others. A smile, while waiting in line a Starbucks, eye contact while passing on the street, or a good morning from a stranger in our office building. These small gestures remind us we are all still fighting for the same race, the human race!
You are not better than me because you drive a BMW, or wear a gold necklace that would make the Sultan of Brunei jealous. It just means somewhere down the path of life, you made better decisions than I did. I have no right to be jealous, or bitter about those decisions.I just need to use that moment as a learning tool to know what to do differently in the future, if I have opportunity. And if I am not presented with opportunity, if I want that same success, I have to find it for myself. Not be bitter and wallow in my sorrow that "it's not fair, he has that and I don't"
I often say as a joke "No, really it's about me!" but in reality, in my world it is.
A parent will disagree, "no, my kids are first" or a newlywed "no my husband comes first". that is all well and good, but until you decide I have to be there for me before I can be there for them, you are just running in circles!
Yes it is pejorative, that we are there for the ones we care about, but the bottom line is, if we are not there for ourselves first, there is no true way we can be there for others!
Try to live in a world or 'WE' but remember 'ME' also!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
A blank slate, an open mind...
As I sit here, wondering what to say, Europa is playing in the background! I don't know why I started this, or if anyone will read it, but what the hell!
Maybe I should I should just comment about my music play list! Yes it's on shuffle, but Under Pressure by David Bowie, came up next. I have never put myself under any pressure in my writing. I always called deadlines goals I should strive for. Others have had a different definition in the past, but I eventually delivered.
For me, it's about the feelings, more so than the words. Don't get me wrong, if you are going to read something, there better be words, but those words need to carry the emotion that was felt when the letters were put together.
That is how I try to live my life away from the keyboard. I wrote something once:
Maybe I should I should just comment about my music play list! Yes it's on shuffle, but Under Pressure by David Bowie, came up next. I have never put myself under any pressure in my writing. I always called deadlines goals I should strive for. Others have had a different definition in the past, but I eventually delivered.
For me, it's about the feelings, more so than the words. Don't get me wrong, if you are going to read something, there better be words, but those words need to carry the emotion that was felt when the letters were put together.
That is how I try to live my life away from the keyboard. I wrote something once:
I once thought showing emotion was a sign of weakness,
I now realize the lack of emotion is the weakness.
I still build walls, try to "stay stoic" but I think I'm getting better at sharing feelings, offering comforting and helpful words, and on that rare occasion, a smile.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is, if you know me, I hope you also know you can count on me in good times and bad. It's not about me it's about we! and in closing, something else I wrote for you to think about:
A true friend won't take your last jellybean,even if offered.
Until next time, remember, be safe, have fun and make lots of memories.
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