Where is the Easter Bunny?

Life moves fast.  One day we are happy-go-lucky, playing in the sand box, we turn around, and are trying to figure out where our next class is, missing elementary school where we stayed in one room.

What seems like two minutes later, we are wondering why we really need to learn trigonometry  and advanced physics, when "all I want to know is will she go out with me if I ask her?"

Then it's what school should I go to, if I go here, I can be an astronaut, or if I go there I can be a veterinarian.

Like, leaving the sand box for the swing set, or the monkey bars, those decisions are important. Whether you are six, sixteen, twenty-six, or beyond. You and you alone decide what path you take.

The decisions you choose will guide you, or haunt you fro the remainder of your life. These decisions should not be made in haste, but pondered long and hard.

While making these decisions though, one must consider their current situation. "Is this where I want to be five years from now?"  "Will I be happy with this path?" We all get caught up with what we think is best for all, we sometimes forget to ask, "what's best for "me?"

I often make a joke "If the Ken isn't happy, nobody's happy!"  I say it in jest, but it holds merit! I spent time in the busy corporate world, the gray walls were suffocating, now I work in a restaurant, happy as a clam and write on occasion. I try not to let the craziness of life bog me down, when it tries to, I remind myself of who I am and of the calm life I have chosen!

Life moves too fast. We all get busy dealing with day to day crisis, and forget about the smaller things in life. We forget about never land where Peter Pan never grew up. Or the North Pole, where the Easter Bunny relaxes with Santa after his crazy spring jaunt!

We are all busy in our day to day activities. We say "I have to get that report to my boss today" or "I have to finish that article today, my deadline is in two days."  Do we ever say, I need to take a moment for me? That's what we forget sometimes, we get so caught up in the current, we forget about what matters most.

Take time to spend a few minutes with a friend, twenty minutes to read to your child, or an hour to reflect on your life, and ponder if you are really where you want to be. Whether it's a few minutes or an hour or so, you will be grateful  in the long run.

There are too many moments in our lives that we think we are too busy worrying  about others to worry about ourselves.

Sometimes we need to just take a moment for ourselves and say, the world can wait a few minutes, I want to think about what the Easter Bunny does when he's not working!

Be safe, have fun, and make lots and lots of memories, the world can wait, you can't!

What if...

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
Paul Anka

And yes, I live with .regrets every day.

I hate the words
"what if?" 

Those are two words together that do nothing but instill regret, sadness or further questions about moving forward. with your life.

What if I took that job 10 years ago? I probably wouldn't be sitting here typing this, I would be working on the next fundraiser for the American Cancer Society! Or, what if I had told her how I really felt? Maybe, I would be married and in an unhappy relationship, or in the best place in the world. What if I really tried to sell my writings?

Well, the first two things never happened, and the third, though always hanging in the wings, hasn't happened yet either. My fault alone!

My entire list of "What if's" is my fault., too scared to take that leap, too scared to show emotion, too comfortable in my current surroundings to step outside of that comfort zone.

There are many things I have let myself not enjoy because those two words. Then again, there are people in my life and experiences I have encountered that would be nonexistent if I had chose that other path.

Walking down the path of life, sometimes we all eventually come to a fork in the road and we must make a decision. Then we make that choice. yet, in the back of our mind though, we wonder, what if I had gone left, instead of right?

These are queries we have to deal with and confront, if not today, in the future when that moment of life circles around for closure.

What if sucks, but you know what? I would not and will not exchange my life for what could have been. The way I look at it today is, if I chose differently, how many stories would I really have and how many friends would I lose?

I assure you I have an abundance of both. And right or wrong, I am on my right path.

I am happy with the path I have chosen, it has brought me many stories, and many people I care about. They have inspired my mantra on life! "Have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories." I don't regret my path I chose, because I would have missed out on the fun times of this life I am living!

As Paul Anka wrote for Frank Sinatra, Regrets, I've had a few I really do have too few to mention.

Until I figure something else to say, like I said, have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories

See you soon!

Make your own kind of music...

A fine song by Mama Cass Elliott, a great mantra to live life by!

I wrote something once..

 

They say dance to your own drummer.

I think My drummer plays the tambourine!

 

 

I have always been an independent thinker, never one to really follow the others to slaughter. I usually go my own way, not recruiting followers, but letting the herd make their own decision, "do I go to the blade, or do I follow my own path?"

 

I have never been a fan of mob rules, or group mentality. I guess that's what makes me, me! Yes, I can be influenced by the groups action, which I am involved with at that present time. Who can't,  we are only human, by the way. Needing acceptance and acknowledgment for our actions and will.

 

I am sorry, I have been on this rant for awhile now, and tonight is no different. My feeling is, if you can't accept me for who I am, and what I believe in, it's your loss. I bring a lot to the table for conversation and debate, but of you shut me down because you disagree, who is in the wrong? I showed up for open dialogue with an open mind, and you decided that my opening remark wasn't of your opine, you would lam bast my character. No, this is not an event that transpired tonight, but it has happened in the recent past. I generally take the high road and walk away, as tough as that may be at times.

 

There are many people we encounter that have to be right, they have to be the winner, whether it's a moral thing, a macho thing, or an ego thing, they have to be right.

 

My feeling is, I respect your opinion, may not agree with it, but respect you enough to listen. then my response is "here's mine, take it or leave it."

 

I, don't really care what people think of me and my opinion, I know who I am, and know what I have done and am capable of doing.

 

Yes, I don't want people hating me(who does?) but, I would never let it get that extreme.

 

The world would be a much better place if more people had the attitude of "I respect what you are saying, and hope you will listen you me with the same fervent that I gave you,.

 

There is no reason to adopt the attitude of the sheep going to the slaughter house,. "That's what the others are doing, I should join in." This will not end well for you, my fine woolly friend!

 

Make your own kind of music, sing your own kind of song!

Find out who your friends are

Let me state for the record, I love and appreciate my Family and friends, they have always been there whether I wanted them to be or not!

That said, we all need someone, that one person to pick us up when we a fallen. That person to make us laugh when we had a bad day. That one friend we can count on no matter what happens.

We all have a select few that we call family and friends to help us through the rough times. There's a running joke, a friend helps you move, a good friend helps you move bodies. I am not going that extreme, but we all need someone.

What does it take to be a friend, is the question ask myself tonight? Is it being there? Is it dropping what you are doing at a moments notice, because the phone rings and you are needed, and you were their first call? Is it just waiting in the wings hoping you don't have to go on stage, but are ready if need be!

Been there, done that, and found myself on the other side a time or two. I try not to be on the other side often, I am not one to want to rely on others for help or support.

I am from the school of emotions suck, and showing them helps no one. In a previous blog, I wrote about a meltdown, and was thankful there were people there to talk me off the ledge(not literally.) I am thankful for that, and always will be, but that was a moment of weakness that I don't dwell in often. Yes, I am human, I have feelings, I just know how to hide them.

If I am having the worst day of my life, and someone asks "How's your day?" my response is always "Fantastic" or "Great, yours?" There's nothing worse than asking someone about their day, and getting an honest answer. It's not that I don't care, it's just you don't need to be burdened with my feelings, you have enough on your plate.

I have a lot of close friends I can call, if I need to talk, or need help with something. I even have one or two I could call to move the proverbial body! Where I am going here, is from a theme I have written about a time of few.

That being said, I know of one person I can count on in life. That is me. The reason being is simple, how can I be there for someone else if I am not there for myself first? Yes, this is easy to say, since I have no children, or a wife for that matter! But If I were married, with children, I think my mindset would still be "You are number one, you have to be" because If I don't protect myself first, how can I be there to protect them?

I think I am rambling now, but next time you ask about my day, and I respond "great" it was in my mind, as far as you need to know!

Did you see that ghost?

On any given day, you can turn on cable television and find a show about the paranormal. XFinity on demand  has 76 different shows about ghost. That doesn't include the movie section.

Each show is filled with non-sense like "Wow, that vase moved, did you see that?" and my response would be(if I were a guest host)  "Did you see that 18 wheeler just drive by?"  Or "look at the monitor, there's something moving there", and I would say "Yea, a moth" There is always a logical and or scientific reason for events like this that happen.

I don't believe in ghosts. I believe in the present, and the future, what happened yesterday is gone. As much as I would like to go back in time and change things, I would in an instant. Yes, I am being selfish with that statement, I would not go back to kill Hitler, or Lee Harvey Oswald. Those are events that would reverberate through time and the Internet may not exist because of those acts.

I remember reading a story many years ago about a group of time travelers, where one person stepped off the path and inadvertently killed a fern. When they returned to present day, the world was in turmoil. I don't remember the story, probably something by Ray Bradbury.

On that note, ghosts are real. Not like Casper(he was cute) or Jacob Marley(and his three friends,) but the ghosts we create in our minds.

It's usually a song that takes me back to a happier time, or an old movie that "we" saw together. A moment when I had someone in my life to share my day with . Or maybe,  it's a catch phrase the someone uses that was a favorite line of an old lover.

The other day I was reading some of my older writings and the memories came flooding back, mostly good, but a few, where I wish I could go back, step off the path, and alter the outcome.

I have made many mistakes in the past, some I regret, some I am thankful for. I try to learn from each one and make myself a better person, sometimes it works, and sometimes I am haunted.

I will continue to watch the paranormal shows on cable for entertainment value but yes, I do believe in ghosts, but the ones I believe in are self induced.

Bigfoot, now that's another issue all on it's own.

Have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories. I only hope those memories don't come back to haunt you.

Until next time...

Sometimes words are more than words...

It's amazing what we say in passing, that can reverberate many years after they have faded. I had a moment like that recently

One day last week, I was sitting at my computer(not writing, which is what I should have been doing) when a chat box popped up. A friend who I hadn't talked to for awhile sent me an IM saying hello.

My first thought was to just say hey, be polite and quickly sign off. For some reason I decided to "join" the conversation. We talked for a few minutes, then this person said "It occurred to me today that you may not have a clue as to where you know me from." I knew this person from various social engagements, but that line intrigued me.

As I continued the correspondence, they told me of a few conversations we had once had when they were in a dark place in their life, and the path they were leading down was getting darker and scarier as the days went by.

To be completely honest, I recall moments of that time in my life, it was a long time ago,  but our recent conversation jogged my memory.

This person, told me that after our last conversation, so many years ago, 45 minutes after our conversation no less, they decided to make a change.

Today, this person is a few credits from getting a post-graduate degree, then going for their doctorate. I take no credit for this, I actually said as a joke "don't blame me for your path, you call my lawyer!!!" Their response was "You convinced me I could do it."

I guess where I'm going with this is, you can never know how influential your words can be until you have a moment with a friend and they actually tell you what you did.

Sometimes words are just words, sometimes words are just filler, but sometimes words are a call to action, and what you do with those words can change your life.

Issues Resolved...

Sitting here not knowing what to say or where I am going with this. Sometimes my best work starts that way, no promises this time though!

It's early July, and I can say life is good. There have been a few self induced speed bumps over the last month or so, but I quickly resolved those issues and the seas are calm again(for the time being.)

I have done more than my share of stupid acts over the last few months. On the upside of that, I have reflected what I did, chastised myself for being foolish and made amends for those thoughtless and selfish acts. And NO, I will not go into details, there are too many people out there that have more than enough information to try and blackmail me.

I guess what I am trying to say is, it's okay to make mistakes, as long as you own up to the consequences and make the situation right again. Yes, feelings got hurt, I take full responsibility for that, but I have mended those fences, and all are moving on!

I have spent the last two months adjusting to a new position at work(which I love) adjusting to a new place to live(which I also love) and spending a little bit if time in Key West, FL The latter was too brief, but I am already planning for my next adventure.

We all change daily, sometimes we don't like what we become, but we have the power to change that. A dear friend came up to me recently and apologized for talking about me behind my back. I told her it was okay, I never heard what she said, and I didn't care. Not that I was worried about the bad press, or what people thought of me,  but for the one opinion I am most concerned with, and the one opinion that I care about which is my own!

Yes that sounds very egotistical, and conceited, but it's very true. Yes I care what people say about me, but the bottom line and end of story is I know the whole truth, and they may not. And I am the only one that can change my attitude, no matter how much others may try.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I know I have faults, like we all do, and I try every day to make them less significant to all parties involved,

Life is an adventure, not a chore, that's how I live it! Mistakes will be made, but more importantly, cherished memories will be made as well.

Until next time...

Live like you were dying...

Life is unpredictable, things are flowing smoothly, all is calm in the world, the Red Sox are winning,  then, the great creator throws us a curve ball and we find ourselves like a barnstormer with a bad tailwind. No idea of which way is up, or where to go from here, or, do I even want to want to try. Suddenly in a dark corner, and hoping no one notices I am there.

I found myself in that corner last week.

Hanging out with friends, a great party weekend. Good friends, good food, and the potential for the making of great memories. I chose to go to a sad place, as opposed to enjoying the moment and living for the day.

I had always considered myself as "the strong one" or "the rock." I seldom share emotions and never show them. This night was different though. Sitting away from my friends, listening to songs that reminded me of what I could have had(if I had opened up), should have had(if I wasn't so pig-headed), and things that can never be because it was too late. The rock crumbled a bit, the walls were vulnerable. The emotion was like a raw nerve, one wrong move, and the pain too intense to bear.

Luckily I had people who cared to help me through the moment.

I  think what happened was I have recently went through a life change myself. No it wasn't life  threatening, but drastic, none the less, and hadn't dealt with the emotions(hate those things.)

I had resided at the same address for over eleven years. Met many friends, made lot's of memories, and even fell in love. Life was good, the planets were all aligned. Then my landlady of 90 years passed away. The night of her funeral, her daughter, assured me and my upstairs neighbor, nothing to worry about. Then three months down the road, the storyline makes a dramatic twist.

I was shocked,  I was told “no worries, nothing will change.”  All of a sudden, there’s reality staring me in the face, in the form of a letter, stating I had thirty days to find a new place to live.

I sat there, re-reading the letter, thinking that my land-lady was spinning in her grave! She loved me and the tenant upstairs.  We were “her boys” and in a sense, she was a family member to us as well. Every holiday, we would get pie or cookies, and every time we did something wrong, she would call us into the main house and talk about it. When this happened, we left feeling like we let a family member down, not a business associate.

I was lost, not sure what I was going to do, but found the courage to make life better out of what I thought was a bad situation.

I have realized in the last few weeks, it was a blessing, not a curse that I had to uproot my life and relocate to another fertile field.

I share this, about change and emotion,  because another friend posted a video on her facebook page. It was about a 17 year old boy who lost his fight to cancer but had the best attitude towards life.

Granted, my change was not as life altering as cancer, and I am not trying to compare my situation to his, but after my selfish breakdown last week, my problems are minuscule, compared to what others have to endure in life.

We all have to make changes, some good, some bad, but we find a way to make it work. Life is to fragile and short to do different. In a blink of an eye, it may be gone.

In a nutshell, live life to it's fullest, because tomorrow may never arrive. Those weren't his words, but that's what I summarized from the short video. Life can be short, but what you do with the moments is what counts. So, have fun, be safe, and make lots of memories!

I'm sorry, did you say something?

We all say we are good at it, we all pretend to be, we want it from others, why is it,  no one listens anymore?

Yes, each of us at some point in time was too pre-occupied with something else, and said those fateful words "Yes, I heard you" to only have that moment come back and bite us right on the ass!

My favorite writer and one of my heroes said it best:

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.

 

 E. Hemingway

 

 

I admit, there are times I haven't listened. We all have. who as a child standing by mommy in the kitchen and reaching to touch the boiling pot on the stove top, and hearing her say "Don't touch that, you will get hurt" then, the moment she averts her eyes, you touch anyway realizing she was right! Lesson learned (hopefully.)

 

Or the time you listened to your heart and not you head and got your heart broken, because no matter how good you felt at the time your heart will break and your head will hurt!

 

I do consider myself a good listener. I am sincere when I say "if you ever need to talk, I will be there for you"

 

I consider myself a better observer though. I may look like I'm disinterested, or uncaring, but usually I am taking in the words, along with my surroundings. One of my best traits is looking ambiguous to all that's going on in a room and knowing all the players and being able to predict their next move with a 94.7%  accuracy! I wish I were that good in my personal life!

 

That's what makes me human though. I'm there for others, but not always there to listen to myself. Something I will work on, as the year unfolds.

 

That's another subject, for another day though.

 

So, next time, when someone says to you "Got a a minute?"  stop what you are doing and give them that minute, that five minutes, or two hours. They may just need someone to care for them for that moment in time, to assure themselves that there are still people who care and are willing to listen! It can make a difference.

 

Until next time...

Everybody hurts

Yes, it's been awhile,  little over a month and a half! I guess I was waiting for the right thought to hit me. I guess lightning struck!

Just relaxing, listening to music, trying to get Monday night over with, and the songs got me thinking.

There are some songs we hate because they bring up sad memories of what could have been(Simple Minds -Don't You Forget About Me) or songs that bring up sad memories of what should have been(Phil Collins -One More Night) or songs that never should have ever been recorded(Bobby McFerrin – Don't Worry Be Happy) Sorry Bobby McFerrin, but every time I hear that song, I only hear fingernails on a chalkboard!

There are other songs that bring up fun times (Bob Marley - Three Little Birds) or (Israel Kamakawiwo'- - Somewhere Over The Rainbow)! Songs like that bring up memories of good times gone by, but not forgotten, and assuredly bound to be repeated!

Others take you to a specific moment, feeling, and emotion(Santana - Europa). Europa always haunts me for 2 reasons, the first, I remember when I first heard it and fell in love with it, and the second, a musician friend of mine knows that story as well, and starts playing it when he spots me in the crowd of the local hot spot he's playing! It brings back many great memories, hanging out with friends, a first kiss on a second date, a slow dance that carried over through the next two songs!

The music we listen to is the soundtrack of our life. Sometimes we are in a great mood and want to hear upbeat music, other times we are melancholy, and want to be taken back to a moment past. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as we don't dwell on what could have been or for that matter, what should have been! Sometimes we are in a dark place and keep listening to the same song over and over(been there, done that).  It doesn't help, it just makes you angry, and that's no way to live life!

My soundtrack of life is filled with most of the above songs I listed(Sorry, Bobby) and many others. Songs I can hear, and like the words I have written, know how I felt the first time I heard them!

Memories, good and bad,  people still in my life, people that have been lost on the path of life, the songs bring them closer to that moment frozen in time, when we were together and a happy tomorrow!

The R.E.M. song Everybody hurts just hit rotation on the Media player!

It can be a sad song,  and yes it's about suicide(REM confirmed that) but it can also be uplifting. When there is no hope left, there's one reason to keep going, whether it's to piss someone off, make a change in society, of just make a change in some one's life you care about! That's reason enough to not give up!

Let the music play!

Merry Christmas....

It's been a few weeks since I have written anything, here or otherwise. I have been busy trying to embrace the holiday spirit.

I love this time of year, friends and family getting together, celebrating the day.

Waiting for the big guy to come down the chimney, and leave us our gift that we have been wanting for since before Halloween!

We write the letters, sit on his lap, and hope it appears! Then magically, on Christmas morning, it does, then it instills our faith that Santa does really exist!

I thought I'd share a few holiday poems  and a story I wrote in recent years:


The Gift

The moments seem to creep up on us like the ghosts of Christmas past!

We all have them, the memories that make us cringe every time we recall them!

Maybe it’s as simple as not getting that bike when we were five and thinking our world was going to end!

Or,  the time you had to lie to your Aunt saying "how beautiful is this sweater? I’ll wear it everyday!" even though it was pink with purple kangaroos all over it!

 

It may be as complicated as to not understanding why things don’t always work out like we wish!

Then we deal with the ghosts of Christmas present!

"Will I have time to get all this done?" or "Will they like the gifts I chose for them?"

Then there’s the ghosts of Christmas’s yet to come! If it were up to Charles Dickens, we would all be frightened out of our wits and try to change the world!

In reality, we can do just that. Maybe it’s wishing a stranger on the street Merry Christmas, or opening the car door for someone because their hands are full, even if  it is a few steps out of our way!

Or it can be as simple as telling the ones we care about how much their gift of love and friendship means to us!

 __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

From another year...

 

The Lights...

 

The lights are up, the presents are all wrapped. As I sit by my tree, I think of the gifts I’ve gotten for people. A sweater, a CD, a box of candy. All nice, but not the best gift of all. No, not gold, silver, or even diamonds. It’s better than even those!

The best gift that I have to give can not be wrapped! Nor can it be hidden under the tree, and I know that this may sound selfish, but I hope I receive this gift as well!

It is simply the gift of friendship

It is a stressful time, but take a moment and remember what the season is about, it's not about colorful wrapping paper, or big fancy bows, it's about sharing and caring. Spending time with family and friend.

Remember, the hugs and warm wished you receive from loved ones are so much more valuable than the Ipod you got or that sweater from J.Crew.

The Ipod will eventually break and the moths will find your sweater, but that warm embrace will be there forever, in your heart and theirs!

In closing I will share a Christmas story I wrote, I was going to wait but why not...

The Gift

by Ken Christian

 

 

He sat alone that cold December morning, just a week before Christmas. The only signs that it was the holiday season were the unopened Christmas cards on his entry table and the stupid black and white movie that was on the TV.

 

It was about a man who wished he had never born and another foolish man following him around trying to convince him that life really is good!

 

Bob looked at Christmas, as most other holidays,  a waste of time! But Christmas was the biggest waste of time the entire year! People being nice to people they wouldn’t normally care about,  much less even talk to!

 

As a child, Bob didn’t like Christmas, Yes he enjoyed the two weeks off from school, but that was it. December twenty-fifth,  when his Aunt Ruth and Uncle George would come over to visit, he  could do without! She would always pinch his cheek too hard and Uncle George would always say  “Bob, what are you going to be when you grow up?” Sometimes he didn’t even care if he ever did grow up, especially if he had to act like Uncle George one day, that is!

 

At age ten, just like now, at age thirty-seven, Bob thought the holiday season was full of hot air, just like the fat man in the tattered red suit, ringing that annoying bell on the street corner! He smelled like Uncle George after a few too many eggnogs which was horrible enough!

 

It started when  he was five years old. Bob learned to hate Santa Clause! All he wanted was that red bike with the tassels on the handlebars!  He sat on Santa’s lap and pleaded for his bike, and Santa promised it would be there! He woke up that Christmas morning only to find a stuffed bear, Mousetrap, the game, and a Tonka truck. No red bike!  His only wish, the only thing  he had wanted was not granted!

 

To this day, he hated Santa, and the day that he represented, because Santa had lied to him when he was five years old!

 

As every year, since his parents had moved to Florida, his mother would call and plead with him to fly down and visit for the holiday!  Not unlike today when she called, Bob politely told her that work was crazy but he would try, knowing well and good there was no way he would! It wasn’t that  he hated his family.  He loved them. He promised himself that he would go down in January, as he had done every year since his parents moved south! Just not during that blasted holiday!

 

As Bob left his building, his doorman Bill said “Merry Christmas, Mr. Berringer” Bob said “there’s no such thing” and kept walking!

Throughout the day, he declined various invitations for ‘gatherings to celebrate holiday cheer’ feigning too much work and not enough time to get it done! His best friend Joe told him of a gathering at a bar right around the corner from his apartment that night but Bob made up a failed excuse about some tenants Christmas party that was happening!

 

As the day wore on, he acknowledged peoples holiday greetings and responded with Luke warm salutations!

 

It was a harsh winter day, snow was predicted by midnight and the paper said it would continue until the next afternoon, if not longer! As he left his office, he looked toward the sky.  Bob thought the snow would fall sooner than later that day, so he decided to take the subway rather than walk the twenty blocks which he normally did on a daily basis!

 

“If I get mugged, maybe I’ll forget about Christmas” he half joked to himself.  As he was standing at the station, waiting for his train, a little girl, no older than four or five, boldly tugged on his jacket and said “Excuse me mister, is Santa a real person? My brother says he’s not but I believe in him, I even asked him for a bike, and he said he would bring it to me!”

 

As she rambled on, Bob tried not to pay any attention, but she was persistent!  She kept talking about the blue bike she asked for and her older brother who said Santa wasn’t real!

 

Bob thought to himself as this little girl kept talking to him about Saint Nick and the bicycle she had asked for! He thought of this child’s hopes and dreams and her only wish for a bike under the tree on Christmas Morn, like his were so many years before! He thought that maybe this is what Christmas is all about! Keeping hope alive that maybe, just maybe, wishes can come true, if we believe!

 

He then said “Yes there is a Santa Clause.” Bob surprised himself by saying this but somehow it felt good to say it.

 

As the little girl ran off to play with her brother, her mother stepped up and apologized for her daughters bold outburst! He said no apology was necessary as he kept thinking about the bike she wished for.

 

Then he thought to himself, maybe Santa is alive in all of us, we just need to find him.

 

Another surprise  to him was the statement he made to the child’s  mother. “Did you know she asked Santa for a bike/” Her response was, yes she knew that but they would be lucky this year if they had food on the table this year, the bike under the small tree was would not be happening this Christmas.

 

He then pictured the look on the girls face that Christmas morning, turning the corner, hoping beyond hope that Santa had granted her wish only to find it not there and her older brother saying “I told you he wasn’t real!”

 

It was then that the train arrived and they all boarded, The little girl sat near Bob. As he looked at her, he thought of when he was five and the disappointment in his heart that Christmas morning when his red bike with the tassels on the handlebars wasn’t sitting by the tree! It was at that moment that he decided it wouldn’t happen again. “That won’t happen to this little girl” he said to himself!

As the train stopped at the next station, the mother and her children got up to leave! Although there were too more stops before his, Bob got out as well.

At the station, he asked the mother to wait a moment as he pulled out his checkbook! He wrote a  check

 for one thousand dollars, and handed it to her.

She looked confused and tried to give it back. Bob then said “you don’t know me, I don’t know you but your daughter showed me the true meaning of believing in something that I lost more than thirty years ago! My only request to you in accepting my gift is that you get her the bike that she asked for!”

As Bob turned to go up the stairs, she grabbed his sleeve! As he turned around, he saw tears in her eyes as she said thank you and Merry Christmas! 

As he walked away, he thought of the look on the child’s face that Christmas morning as she rounded the corner and did see the bike she asked Santa for!

As he left the station with three blocks ahead of him before he got home, be beamed with the holiday spirit that he had been lost so many years before! As be walked toward his building, before the doorman could say a word, Bob handed him a hundred dollar bill and said Merry Christmas Bill!

“Merry Christmas, sir” was Bills response, wondering what happened in the last nine hours!

When Bob entered his apartment, the phone was ringing, it was Joe again, asking him to join him for a bit of holiday cheer at the bar around the corner from his apartment! Bob’s response was ”If only you let me pick up the tab” He then said, "I have a phone call to make then I’ll be there in ten minutes!"

Bob then picked up the phone and called his Mother in Florida to let her know he would call her in a day or two to let her know when he was flying in!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Think back, pilgrim… Remember?(John Wayne)...

As Thanksgiving approaches, and the crazy holiday season, I thought I'd take a moment to talk about time, thanks and more of the craziness of the season.

It is difficult to grasp that it's already late November. They say(whoever 'they' is) time flies! It seems just yesterday, it was early summer and we were complaining about the heat. Now it's just a few days until Thanksgiving and I have a frozen turkey to deal with!

I love Thanksgiving, that was our family holiday. Yes, Christmas was the climax of the year, but that afternoon we would pile in the car and go to an aunts house to finish the day. Thanksgiving was the day we slept in, skipped breakfast and converged on the kitchen as a family and made dinner.

It wasn't about the turkey, of football, it was about being together. I am thankful for those memories, and thankful every day for my family and friends.

Since Mom and Dad are gone, I don't see my family every day, but I make a point to call my brother a few times a week and check in. He, Fran, and the kids are all I have.

I take that back, I have a close knit group of friends that I consider family as well.

I am thankful of all the people in my life, because they create the path I call life! By their words, gestures, and kindness, they help me decide what my next move is. Whether it's moment, day by day, or year by year.

It's the 'Butterfy Effect' "the idea, used in chaos theory, that a very small difference in the initial state of a physical system can make a significant difference to the state at some later time

[from the theory that a butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world might ultimately cause a hurricane in another part of the world]"

 

It is amazing how a smile first thing in the morning, or a harsh word can set the tone for the entire day, or sometimes longer.

 

I try to not let the small things get to me, I live my life stoic, non-emotional, 'the strong one'. It's not easy, and it can get lonely at times. but "That's who I am, and how I deal with life."

 

I may not say it all the time, but I am thankful for the gifts I receive in life, whether it's a new shirt, a hug, or a smile from a stranger. I am grateful that someone cares, even if it's only for a moment.

 

We all need to be grateful for the blessings of thanksgiving we have 365 days a year, I know I am.

 

Until the official holiday season begins...

 

 

Santa Clause is coming to town...

Another night, another moment of not knowing what to say.

As I sit here, hoping for inspiration, I continue to babble on. The holiday season is right around the corner! Unless you are a manager at Wal-Mart, then Christmas started in August.

I love the holidays, I have already been invited to two parties, and it's only a little over a week past my birthday.

The holidays are a time of joyous celebration, a time to embrace loved ones, and forget about petty differences you had with a friend and family.

I love and hate the holidays, I love it because I get to spend time with family. but hate dealing with all the commercialism. Like I said, the poor Wal-Mart manager must have two calenders in his office, one for day to day operations, and one for Holidays!

"Let's look, okay, Halloween starts in July, Christmas in August, Valentines Day starts January 3rd, I think I am covered until February 15th when I have to dust off the Easter baskets and get ready for summer"

I'm not sure why, we the retail consumer have let this happen, but it has.

I miss the days when there was no Halloween until the week of October 31st and  Christmas music was not allowed until "Black Friday." And if you even thought about it, you were guaranteed coal and switches in your stocking!

We always look forward to the next "big event" and forget the daily events we encounter every day.

We need to stop 'fast-forwarding' the calender to the next holiday "so we can all get together" and think about today and say to ourselves, what is so wrong with getting together "just because." Life is too short to wait for the next holiday to tell someone how you feel. That holiday maybe too late!

I don't share feelings or show emotion, but I am trying to get better at it. I take it one day at a time, not one holiday to the next. If everyone did that, maybe this world would be a calmer, more serene place to co-exist!

So next time you talk to your family, instead of saying "see you Thanksgiving" say, I'll call you mid-week, maybe we can get together next Sunday! It would probably benefit everyone.

Something to think about, and Happy Holidays!

Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes...

As I sit here tonight, on the cusp of the eve of my birth, I am quietly reflecting on the last twelve months.

Not a whole lot to say, especially since I don't talk about myself often. Something I wrote a long time ago:

Ask me to talk about my family, I can talk for days,

Ask me to talk about my writings, I can talk for hours,

Ask me to talk about me, I can talk for two minutes tops,

I know the reasons, I'm just not saying.

 

 

 

 

I have always considered myself, a rock. A stable point where my friends and family can go to and know that I will be there for them, for advice, a smile, a hug, or a swift kick in the butt if they need it to get back to where they need to be.

 

This year was an emotional roller coaster, lost my best friend in March, but got back in touch with a few others that I hadn't talked to for a very long time. The latter doesn't fill the void of the prior, but it helped. I may have not expressed it(not big on showing emotion) but it helped.

I have had quiet nights reflecting(not unlike tonight) and boisterous nights of revelling that are better left undisclosed. Moments of winning big, and times of almost losing the shirt off my back. My saving grace is something I have talked of in the past. Karma!

 

God has smiled down on me and opened that window when the door was shut, and been by my side, even when it seemed like I wasn't on his.

 

I have had bitter moments over the past year, we all have! I realizes a long time ago though, that being bitter for long periods creates dark places in out heart. And eventually, our heart is so filled with darkness, we can't see the way to help others in need.

 

For me, helping others in their time of crisis, whether it's helping with a flat tire, or a shoulder to cry on after a broken heart, it makes me feel better.

 

I am no Don Quixote, I am not going out to right all wrongs, while tilting at windmills, but when someone finds me and they are in need, I gladly do what I can to make it "all good." Sometimes I can't fix the problem, but find a way to help them on their path to well being.

 

By writing this, I am not asking for sainthood, praise, or even a beer(but, if you see me in two days, feel free to say "I'm buying!") I'm just asking, you, the reader, that next time a friend needs help, a kind word or just a hug, take a moment and be the best friend you can be.  You never can tell, maybe one of these days, I may even ask for advise or a hug!

 

Be safe, have fun, and make lots of memories!

 

Until next time...

 

 

There's no free lunch...

We all love free. I remember once I was in New Orleans, walking down Bourbon street and saw a sign that said 'Buy one beer, get three free' where do you think I was for about four(I think)hours?

Something else from one of my essays that I haven't marketed yet:

Why is it we all know our limit of how much to drink until someone decides to buy us one more?

 

Come on, each of us have been there. It’s time to leave, too much fun has been had by most, then your best friend says, "don’t leave, the next one’s on me!" You say to yourself (sometimes out loud) "I know I have had enough, but what the hell, I’ll sleep tomorrow at the office!" So you stay and make a near ass of yourself.

We all have done this a time or few. The problem is, as humans, we can’t resist Free! "I have a coupon for ‘buy one package of chicken livers, get one free’ I’ve got to get them, they’re free!" No one in their right mind needs or wants a package of chicken livers, much less two, but you say "hey, they’re free!"

That same rational, or lack thereof, goes with free beer, even though you know that you are already responsible for killing one keg and are well on your way to kill it’s brother!

The next day as you say to yourself, (at least I have) "it seemed like the thing to do at the time!" Then again, if for no other reason, it makes great fodder for the next story!

 

Free is never free. Yes, it is great in concept. 'Order by mid-night tonight and we will double your offer' "I really don't want two 'In-The-Shell Egg Scramblers', but OK" then I look at my credit card statement, delivery and special handeling cost more than the second egg scrambler itself, and I just paid it twice. I don't even like scrambled eggs!

 

I recently signrd up ro get a free sample of dish detergent, now. my e-mail box if full every day with new auto loan deals and surveys! I don't want a new car and I certainly hate answering questions!

 

I guess where I am going with this is everything has a price(I'm guessing, because I have had writers block for three weeks now.), "Yea, I'll help you move, you helped me last year" then you remember your friend lives on the forth floor and there are no elevators. Or, "No worries, I'll tell your girlfriend you were with me." Then in a night of drunken stupor, the truth is revealed, and you are in recovery mode quicker than a failed light on the space shuttle(not that's around anymore, thanks barry)!

 

I have now realized, whether it's time or money,  that giving from the heart, and not expecting anything in return is the best avenue to take. I give because I want to, not because I have to. If I am not available that Saturday, 'sorry for your luck, I am already committed.'  If they are a true friend and know you, they will understand.

 

Don't get me wrong in my ramblings, helping others is a good thing, but remember, you are your first priority. and blowing off that doctor's appointment to move your friend or give that homeless man the two dollars that you were going to use to by a scratch-off(in a separate timeline you won $10,000,000 on that scratch-off, BTW) you would not still have a sprained back, and been able to hire a moving company and help the homeless guy a lot better of you had used the $2.00 with your original intention!

 

By no means am I saying, stop giving to PBS, the RNC, Ducks Unlimited, or helping a buddy out. I am saying give with an open heart and not expect an immediate return. Karma is a powerful entity in the universe, and good comes back, tenfold. The only thing that sucks about karma is bad comes back one-hundred fold! Been there, done that that, lost the T-shirt in a mosh pit, another sad story for yet another day!

 

So, keep giving, but give with out expectations, it will be worth it in the long run!



A quarter, two nickles and a dime...

Forty five cents, also, the number of minutes I have been trying to come up with something to write about.

Then it hit me, why not write about change. No, not the coins in my pocket, nor the false hope we were promised four years ago(saving that one for November 3rd) but the every day events we deal with.

No one likes change! "what do you mean you don't have my brand? If I wanted another brand, I would have asked for it!" But after going to five stores and not finding your favorite tooth paste, you decide to try another, and realize, "It's not so bad after all!"

We all get set in our ways. "I have chicken on Monday, pizza on Tuesday. there is no way I can have pizza today." We find a way to adapt though.

Change can sometimes be a good thing, although when it happens, we, as humans, kick, scream, gnash teeth and go along because we have no choice.

Sometimes we realize what we are doing to ourselves or the ones we care about, we have to make a change. Whether it's harmful to our self or others, it must happen. I wrote something once about self-realization:

He sat by the lake that crisp September morning. watching the loons, prepare for their long journey southward.  he then noticed the trees, had changed from a vibrant green to a flaming red. He then realized, summer was over, it was time for a change.

No, i don't remember the exact events at the time(which is surprising, because I can normally pinpoint all my writings) reading it now I realize change isn't always a bad thing.

It's amazing what we can see and do when we change our routine ever so slightly. A few weeks ago, I found a local farmer's market and decided to stop because I was curious. I normally take a different route, but this day I turned left instead of right. I found, fresh vegetables, local honey and some great boiled peanuts. Things I never would have found if I went with my regular routine.

Sometimes it just takes a wrong turn to find something more exciting and different.

Something else I wrote once,(remember this one.) I was moving away, at the time,  no idea how long or when I would be back. I penned this for my close-knit group of friends and asked them not to read it until I was gone:

The echoes of our laughter....

 

Though we've gone our separate ways, there are a few things I carry with me always

The happy times we spent together...

The lonely time when I just needed a hug...

The sad time, when I just needed a friend to talk to....

Or, the echoes of our laughter.

Embrace those whims of change and discover where the unknown path takes you. You may find a new happiness, or just back to the path you belonged on to start, but with fantastic stories to share!

Until next time....

Sometimes you just need to rip off the band-aid...

Sometimes bad news is hard to deal with. Even if you don't accept it, it's still there. Hanging over you like a dark cloud, waiting to be filled to capacity then bringing on the deluge.

Whether, it's a lost dog, a "C" when you know you deserved an "A" on that paper you submitted, or even a terminal illness, the news is not easy. Yes, some events carry a heavier burden than others, but by not sharing, others can't be there for help and support.

I bring this up because I recently friended someone on Facebook(known him for 20+ years) who thought the best way to share his unfortunate news was to open an account(with the prodding of his wife). She didn't prod him so he could spread the bad news, only to take his mind off of the devastating news.

He went in a different direction though and posted a few days later, that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I don't know if I would have the courage to do that, but he did and I'm proud of him for it.

He's taking the fight to the cancer, not letting it get to him. It's going to be a tough row to hoe, but he's not giving up the plow yet.

Sometimes you just have to "pull up anchor" and see where the current takes you. Not hide under the covers and hope the monster in the closet goes away. They seldom do.

Family and friends will be there, you just have to let them know you need them. I know in my past, I have learned that lesson, and am thankful every day of my family and friends. Sometimes all you have to do is reach out, and there will be someone there to brace your fall, and help you get back on your feet.

It is never easy to admit you need help, I know I don't like to be the one needing help, I prefer to be the one for support, but that's fodder for another day.

So, be open and honest with yourself and others,  and you will find the help you need. It may just be a pat on the back, a word of encouragement, or just a hug, but each of those will warm your heart and ease your pain. And maybe then realize that "monster" in the closet is just a dust bunny in the overall scheme of life!

No worries...

Life is stressful, there's never enough time in the day to get everything done that needs to be taken care of. On top of all that, there are those moments that happened earlier in the day that you have to deal with.

You know the ones,  that report that the boss wants at 8am tomorrow,  the revised carpool schedule(from a text message) which means you should have been at the school 7 minutes ago(oops),  or that delivery package you promised to drop off by 5 and it's 4:57 and you are still 14 minutes away.

Some things we have control over, "yea, I could have stayed and finished the report, I could have taken state street and been there on time, or found another drop box for the package. That would have resolved a lot of stress. "

Stress happens every day, it may not be from the boss or a text,  it may come from an off the cuff comment, or from another authoritative figure that you must comply with. Stress is bad, it causes worry, and these issues must be resolved.

But there are some situations that we incur, and, no matter what we try, we can not change the outcome. My fault, your fault, his fault. it is. what it is! We can do nothing about it.

Things like the landlord leaving a note that says "I need to see you:" or your significant other saying "we need to talk" Granted the prior may be  minor compared to the post, but woe some none the less.

Throughout the day, we dwell on these prior moments. The bottom line is, no matter how much we worry, the outcome will happen. We cannot control that. We stress out, sweat, fret and curse at the parking attendant because we are impending doom.

These things cannot be amended, or avoided. Yet they consume our day and distract us from our everyday activities! Things like reports, carpools or deliveries.

You can not change these events, no matter how you try, yet you worry and let yourself become distracted for whats' going to happen in your mind. Not really knowing for sure what is going to take place.

When all is said and done, and your landlord tells you trash day is now Thursday, not Wednesday, and your girlfriend tells you her college roommate is coming to town and she will be staying in the spare bedroom for 2 days, you realize you worried for nothing.

There are some things we know about and can change, and others we don't know about and can't.  There is no reason to stress about whatever we can't change, whatever happens, happens.

Call it fate, karma, or kismet. It is, what it is.  No need to worry about it, if you can't change it, there is no need to let it stress you out!

Until next time...

The enemy of my enemy is...

We all go through the motions of daily life. Some things we like, some we actually enjoy, and some we dread.

Some we abhor so much, we say to ourselves, or even sometimes out loud "I hate when that happens" or "I hate when they do that." Do we really know the definition of the word hate? Most of us "no" so here it is:

hate  (heɪt)
— vb
1.	to dislike (something) intensely; detest
2.	( intr ) to be unwilling (to be or do something)
— n
3.	intense dislike
4.	informal  a person or thing that is hated (esp in the phrase pet hate )
5.	( modifier ) expressing or arousing feelings of hatred: hate mail
[Old English hatian;  related to Old Norse hata,  Old Saxon hatōn,  Old High German hazzēn ]
'hateable
— adj
'hatable
— adj
'hater
— n

 

hate/heɪt/ Show Spelled [heyt] verb, hat·ed, hat·ing, noun

verb (used with object)

.

intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.

the object of extreme aversion or hostility.

Before 900; Middle English hat ( i ) en, Old English hatian  (v.); cognate with Dutch haten, Old Norse hata, Gothic hatan, German hassen

Related forms

hat·er, noun

self-hate, noun

un·hat·ed, adjective

un·hat·ing, adjective

un·hat·ing·ly, adverb

Synonyms
1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate  imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate,  the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. Abhor  expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. Detest  implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. Abominate  expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.

Yes, a bit much to digest this holiday weekend, but we often use this word too freely, and not really knowing what it means and how it affects others and ourselves.

I don't hate indviduals or groups, I hate moments in times. I hated the day I didn't get the lead in

my junior high play(looking back, it's all good) or the day I lost my first real job (their loss, not mine.)

There are other times that weigh heavier on my heart, most recently, the day Candy's mom called me tell me she died. My heart was black that day. Or, it was time I found myself in a hospital waiting room with my brother. The doctor called us into an eight by eight room, to tell us our father had minutes left to live and the nurse would come get us to say goodbye. When that doctor left, that room shrunk to a stiffening four by four cubicle, and I didn't know what to do next! I still think about that moment to this day.

Two years later, when my mother passed, at least she and I talked, right before she died. The words aren't important here, but the words we shared, I carry with me every always.

Yes, these moments hurt, and yes, hate was in my heart, but it faded, and I realized,  that darkness in my heart didn't help me at all!

These times have changed my life for the better, instead of being soured or turned bitter, I have chosen to try to embrace compassion, compassion for those who are going through what I have, or compassion for those who don't accept the hand that God has dealt them.

I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder. I don't wish that moment when that doctor told me about my dad on my worst enemy, no one needs to go through that  grief in their life. Granted, it does every day for people I don't know, but it saddens me none the less.  I, myself,  try to do the best I can for my family, friends, and society and will help them if they are ever in that situation again.

I have learned to care for others, as opposed to be angry and hate.

Hate is not the answer, but is a self-help guide to make us love and care more.

Hate less, and love more, this is what I have learned, and live with every day!

As time goes by...

Didn't really know what to say, or what words to put down on paper! Still don't!

I figured if I started typing, the music would guide me and the thoughts would flow.If I ramble, it's my fault not yours. It's so much easier to just write a status update.

I haven't lost my muse, I just haven't thought about it much.  Time has flown by too quickly. I'm sitting at my computer on Sunday morning, looking up the holiday of the day, wondering if anyone still cares, the next thing I know it's Wednesday afternoon, and I still I wonder.

I did run into a friend Monday and commented on a Facebook post that I had made. It made me feel good that he looks forward to my daily tidbits and ramblings. I guess it is the little things in life that mean the most. A smile from a friend, a joke from a co-worker that makes you laugh, or a song that brings back so many great memories!

I'm a little pensive about this weekend, speaking of time! It has been thirty years since high school, Saturday is the reunion. In a way, looking forward to it, in a way, dreading it. I hate talking about myself, and it will be five hours of just that! I do better with people I have never met! Go in, make a bad impression and exit gracefully! I'm guessing Saturday, this won't be the case.

So if i delete my Facebook account Sunday, and drop off the face of the earth,  you'll know it didn't go well.

I will say one good thing about Facebook though, Tuesday, I saw a buddy I had not seen since High School. We talked a bit,  catching up on life! I would have not recognized him if it were not fro social media.He can't make it Saturday, but we are getting together for a beer soon to catch up!

Sorry for the mindless banter, I said I didn't know where I was going with this and at least I didn't let you down on that point. Sometimes walking down an unknown path isn't a bad thing! You never know what you might find.

Then again, Maybe Saturday will give me more fodder for my next diatribe! We'll see what happens, hope I didn't disappoint this week, but when the words aren't there....

Until the weekend!